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"Cyril Connolly made the most acidly perceptive comment about Crowley, for example, when he described him as the man who bridged the gap between Oscar Wilde and Adolf Hitler."
-- Alan Richardson
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ianrons |
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Post subject: Freedom of Spam
 Posted: Sep 04, 2006 - 12:59 PM
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Joined: Jul 02, 2004
Posts: 684
Location: U.K.
Status: Offline
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Quite frequently, Paul or myself are in receipt of emails from former members of LAShTAL.com which bring to mind Little Cecily:
The [letters] you wrote me after I had broken off the engagement are so beautiful, and so badly spelled, that even now I can hardly read them without crying a little.
Today we had a marvellous contribution from the record-holder of the “most banned” competition (reproduced here with some portions edited in parentheses):
Subject: Please respond immediately
DO WHAT THOU WILT SHALL BE THE WHOLE OF THE LAW
LAShTAL,
I demand you answer the following questions. […]
1) Why was [my username] deleted? Do you not agree that deletign [sic] someone's account if they disagree with you is very childish? Also, why is this done without explanation?
2) Why was [my pet topic] locked without notice or explanation?
3) I recommend you take 'Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law' off the top of your website, you obviously do NOT abide by this rule or the one in Liber OZ that says 'Man may write what he will'. Please explain why you are able to keep this magickal phrase on this site while violating it yourself & allowing other moderators to violate this.
4) Please explain why you think that [the moderator’s] post was NOT [in breach of the forum guidelines]. Can you explain why it is not?
5) I would like you to explain the reasoning behind you calling [my post] 'nonsense.' I said nothign [sic] of the sort like 'this post should be closed' or disagreeing with anyone... yet you mentioned that I was all too happy.... [?!] […] This ties into 'why did you close [my pet topic] '.... Obviously people are interested and think it is relevant... Who is the moderator to decide what is and is not pertinent? THat [sic] BLATANTLY goes against Do what thou wilt... aside from this... [Ed: That’s enough ellipses.] there were [sic] more than 1 person who thought it was interesting so it obviously is not a case of someone pushing something until everyone is sick of it... just he [sic] moderators..... [Ed: No, really.] Once again, why do you feel you have the power to decide what is and is not 'nonsense'?
Love is the law, love under WILL. Unfortunately, this is not possible if one's name gets deleted. [sic, sic, sic]
Our reply follows:
Thanks for your generously lengthy demands. I’m sorry I haven’t had time to respond before now. This is because I’ve been answering a lot of correspondence from some very courteous Nigerian gentlemen who are desirous for me to assist with their international banking arrangements.
In response to your point (1), this is the timeline, so far as I can establish: after being offended by a moderating decision and publicly insulting the moderator concerned, you were asked to send all future posts via private message for pre-moderation. Unfortunately, the relevant moderator didn’t apologise to you after he was insulted by you, and this seems to have offended you some more. You then put up a couple more posts without sending them to the moderator first.
I can scarcely believe it, but I think at some point the moderator may have decided that you are a [Ed: obscenity removed]. I’m sorry if you didn’t realise at what point the moderator would begin to think you are a [Ed: Tsk tsk…], and I can only offer my deepest condolences if his suspicions are correct. When your first LAShTAL.com account was deleted some time ago, the explanation was pretty clear, and I’m sorry we haven’t been properly explanatory on the other occasions when we’ve had to ban you. I will of course re-open your account as soon as I receive the funds from the brother of the late Nigerian Finance Minister and have some free time to spend on fawning over ex-members.
With regard to point (2), the moderator did in fact explain why the topic was locked. The phrase “too damn tedious” springs to mind. You are, however, perfectly correct that you were not immediately informed of the decision. The moderator must have been drunk, or otherwise incapacitated, since I can’t fathom how such an egregious lapse as the failure to write detailed private messages to anyone who may have been affected by the topic-locking could have occurred. I can assure you that you will not have any reason, or indeed ability, to complain about topics being locked in future, for reasons which I think it superfluous to mention.
Coming to point (3), I will be instructing the gnomes in the Technical Department to contact you to arrange a change in the text below the site banner from “Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law” to read “Spam what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law” or “VIAGRA! CIALIS!”, which would seem to be more in keeping with your principles. If you like, you can also use the site to post messages about Betty Boo or your favourite cartoon character, since we’ve just realised that the webmaster is not entitled (because of Holy Writ) to maintain control of his own forum.
You also mention the phrase “Man may write what he will”. I had forgotten that the stormtroopers were at your house tying you down and preventing you from writing. This was an administrative error on our part, and we would like to offer you a full refund on your membership fee of £0.00.
With regard to point (4), I would like you to know that we are taking this demand very seriously. I have instructed the moderator to provide a complete justification for everything he has written on this site, which will be sent to you by First Class post if you would kindly supply the address of your kindergarten.
Point (5) is the last point in your message. In fact, after this point in your message, there are no more points. To put it another way, it all seems utterly pointless after this. Excuse me, I may be drivelling. Is that spittle on my T-shirt, or is it left over from that last time I was on my knees in front of you? Let me recover myself.
In point (5), you write "Who is the moderator to decide what is and is not pertinent?". I am glad that you raised this question, and in fact I think it so relevant and insightful as to be esteemed by me as the highlight of your LAShTAL.com career. It is one of those strange ontological puzzles that would require a chapter of explanation, even were I competent to address such profound enigmas. You also write “why do you feel you have the power to decide what is and is not 'nonsense'?” I don’t know. I simply don’t know.
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