Really. I'll give up the Great Joke thing for awhile. What's going wrong here?
The competition and stuff doesn't really bother me. My problem from the beginning has been that once the initial trolling (on Lashtal and other places) was finished that people became intrigued enough to ask for more. Which I am currently not prepared to give.
There have been a couple of full stop incidents since starting the blog (which no longer exists except in archive.) I tapped into something potent and I wasn't ready for the attention or scrutiny.
I have also been creating a new life for 12 years and done okay. Building a foundation in life and saving a few dollars. The process was very painful at times. Eventually gaining new income streams. I know many people that didn't make it in their later years and are suffering for it. Flat broke living abroad scraping by. It's not a good place to operate from. I've been there.
My full stop incidents were scary, haunting. I've never experienced such fear in my life. I was afraid of being mis-understood, mis-cast, and ultimately failing to get the point across. I started the project with reckless abandon which worked for a time...until it didn't.
My experiences may be told in a fictional context at some point. I'm not interested in scaring people (or myself.) I'm interested in finding a path that is appropriate. So I am proceeding with extreme caution these days. I'm also not finished putting my ducks in a row. And I refuse to proceed in a reckless manner ever again.
I've burnt through most of my fear perhaps. This may be a role or assignment, but the data is real. The anagrams, the Crowley lineage, the riddle, the spooky coincidences. My problem has been that my story checks out pretty well. Also the problem of finding a way to tell it properly.
I'm fine with going slow. And I have at least two escape hatches which I can lean on:
1. I am an actor and filmmaker and writer with an "interesting" imagination creating a project based on real data and events.
2. I'm simply a good Catholic boy. Exploring the dark side for a project about Crowley.
I may need a couple more escape hatches. Or help from others in explaining myself as I go. I'm here on Lashtal because it's a tough crowd. To learn and test and perhaps gain some alliances. And I seem to have survived the initial incredulous trolling.
My problem is that it ain't easy to claim that "it's all my imagination and I just made it up" when the data I share is real and verifiable. I'm only interested in proceeding if this can be done well and safely for myself and others. I hope i'm not being too vague. I'm okay with where things stand at the moment. But for these reasons I am proceeding very slowly, and mostly ignoring the project while I do other things.
Let the puzzle solving proceedings exhaust themselves. I will share what I can when I can.
Potentially libellous content by @elitemachinery deleted and thread locked.
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