September 14, 2015 at 12:32 pm #9663
I just joined this forum, but have been a thelemite and active in the thelemic community, both AA and OTO, since 1990. On some level I “knew” since I was seven years old that I’m (MtF) transgender, but have been trying to repress that, attempted to kick that back in my subconsciousness for the last 35 years. I was afraid and prejudiced against myself. As a young child I was the only “boy” attending classical ballet; all my friends were girls, I played with dolls and fully identified with the feminine role before I was even aware something like gender or sexual identity existed. This went on for about two years, until the moment a school bully attended a performance I was a part of and “outed” me in school. The following two years I was beaten up almost daily for being a “faggot”.
So I decided to go “undercover” with my identity, stopped doing ballet and started focusing on martial arts, successively taking vengeance on all my bullies. I even overcompensated male behavior by joining the Israeli military, became a father, started a business, projected the image of a strong male. I did succeed, because I’m a good actor. But being a thelemite, clearing up all my repressions and inhibitions while searching for my true will, I was again confronted with my female identity time after time: my angel, “myself made perfect”, spontaneously appearing to me in female form, being tapped into lunar rather than solar mysteries, always being sexually receptive, having been recognized in the XI* for writing about the inversion of polarities, crossdressing.
This has recently resulted in a diagnosis with “gender dysphoria”. It’s official now and I have started transitioning. My brain has been measured to fully function like that of a woman and my anatomy may be male, but the way I’m sexually wired is definitely female. I don’t even touch my penis when I have sex and experience orgasm through prostate stimulation while being fucked, crudely put.
This will be a long process of about four years, at which time I’ve officially become a woman. Or have I, not having the matching procreative capacity? My body will represent the AMA formula rather than the AIMA (maybe ten years from now, they’ll be able to implant artificial ovaries and a womb). I will have a fully functioning vagina though, which is capable of experiencing pleasure. With the nerve ends over there they create a functioning clitoris and even a g-spot, the prostate will stay and start having a lubricating function when excited and according to trans people I talked with, they do experience a female orgasm.
But how will this work out on an energetic level? I’m a practitioner of both Tantra and sexual Magick and always performed as a male, a “god” during hieros gamos. Will I still be able to raise my kundalini energy when I’m post-op? Will I be able to perform as a priestess during gnostic mass? I know the caliphate would allow me to be a priestess for reasons of political correctness, but would it be “right”? Will i be able to be a proper Shakhti? Also, I’m finding out that the thelemic paradigm as explained by Crowley relates one’s given anatomy and bodily functions with true will. Somewhere in Book 4 he writes for example, that it’s the true will of a woman, to become pregnant. But it’s not my true will to have a cock. At all.
So how do transgenders fit in the thelemic paradigm?
[YouTube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TiVIFMbwxOc[/YouTube]September 14, 2015 at 2:36 pm #92228
welcome to the forums and congratulations on your work discovering your true nature in the face of such difficulties. I’m afraid I don’t have any answers for the questions you’ve asked – but I did want to extend a warm welcome and am looking forward to your participation here.
WilliamSeptember 14, 2015 at 9:19 pm #92229
There was quite a long thread on this topic a couple years back; search should turn it up.
In that thread, I pointed out that Thelema must surely welcome transgender folk. Our Prophet’s first love was a transgender performer, Diane De Rougy/Herbert Charles Jerome Pollitt.
Crowley was clearly a product of another era (pre-Aeon of Horus) in his sexual politics and praxis (as in so much else), so some extraplation, and “making allowances” for this may be necessary.
“Every man and every women is a star”; your Will is yours alone. Welcome to the forum.September 16, 2015 at 6:53 pm #92230
But how will this work out on an energetic level?
Depends on what you mean by “on an energetic level.”
I’m a practitioner of both Tantra and sexual Magick and always performed as a male, a “god” during hieros gamos. Will I still be able to raise my kundalini energy when I’m post-op?
Why wouldn’t you?
Will I be able to perform as a priestess during gnostic mass? I know the caliphate would allow me to be a priestess for reasons of political correctness, but would it be “right”? Will i be able to be a proper Shakhti?
What’s a “proper” Shakhti (?), and why do you think a transgender individual couldn’t fill the role?
Also, I’m finding out that the thelemic paradigm as explained by Crowley relates one’s given anatomy and bodily functions with true will. Somewhere in Book 4 he writes for example, that it’s the true will of a woman, to become pregnant. But it’s not my true will to have a cock. At all.
Yeah, Crowley’s explanation of True Will in those places is exceedingly shallow. We can’t identify the individual’s True Will entirely with simple biological urges or functions. For example, it’s a natural bodily function for my fingernails to grow, but it can be part of my True Will to cut the nails, thwarting that function of my body so as to fulfill my Will. In a similar way, it’s a natural function for a woman to give birth, but it could be part of her True Will not to get pregnant or to terminate an unwanted pregnancy.
I don’t see any reason that one should have to continue having a cock if one would feel more comfortable without one.
So how do transgenders fit in the thelemic paradigm?
The same way everyone else does. Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.September 19, 2015 at 11:26 pm #92281
There are at least a few temples that perform rites with female members in God roles and male members in Goddess roles, just to mix things up. Not just opposite each other – they sometimes end up with a ‘male God’ interacting with a ‘male Goddess’. Your question shows why that is so important, for all Thelemites, trans to cis, gay to straight, everyone in between. The rites represent inner workings; all roles including Priest and Priestess, God and Goddess, Queen and King, Babalon and Beast, every single one of those currents are in each one of us, regardless of the state of our genitalia.
The expectation that ritual godform representation must conform to physical genitalia blinds us to the fact that if these rituals are going to ‘work’ (impact our consciousness to further our magical or alchemical development) then we need to identify with each role, current and station, not just the ones that conform to our genitalia and/or gender identity.September 16, 2018 at 3:41 am #109429
In Francis King’s Secret Rituals you can read the secret instructions of the highest magickal degrees which tell of how the elixir of life is to be produced and it’s a very annoying thing for trans people (like myself) to find that the whole sex magick thing centers around male and female fluids mixing together in a vagina.. Sigh.. but there is hope! I look to male solo sexual alchemy for my practices, being that my genitals are basically an inverted phallus which can still function as far as sensation is concerned. I know it’s weird but check out this guy, It helps me. As for the law I think we all know where we stand on that so no point beating a dead horse. https://www.amazon.com/Secret-Golden-Phallus-Alchemy-Century/dp/154139321X
Long story short: My golden phallus is within my body of Nuit.. hope that helps!
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